Blank Paper | Wenrene

Part 1/2

Irene finally came back in South Korea after 10 years. She never thought that she will be able to leave her homeland for this long, but she did. If it weren't beause of acting projects offered to her consecutively in Hollywood, she wouldn't dare to step outside South Korea other than short vacations. But because it was her dream to act and touch many people's heart with her works, she prioritized her career when an opportunity opened to her. Who wouldn't want to grab a one in a million chance like going to the Hollywood and act for big projects? This could possibly the best option there is in order for her to achieve the goal she has set for her acting career. 

It felt like she's in cloud 9 when she was able to live her dream. Seeing many people react positively to her movies in different nations was the best feeling she could ever ask for as an actress. In those whole 10 years, she managed to create a name for herself not just in South Korea and in the U.S. but all over the world. She's the only South Korean actress that portrayed leading roles in many blockbuster films in Hollywood anyways. She has become one of the A-listed actresses of this generation.

Joohyun started acting when she was in highschool. She was only 18 when she got offered to fly all over to Hollywood and act too. Everything was hard at first, her English ability was nowhere comprehensible back then so she had to double her hard work, study in the evening and act in the day. Her mind and body suffered from lack of rest that she got hospitalized several times, but Joohyun never gave up. 

She hold onto her dream and the thought that everything she had left in South Korea will be for nothing if she'll stop there and then. What will be the best excuse she could say to those people who believed in her if she went home without a progress? To those people she had painfully given up just for her failed dream? There will be none and she wouldn't dare to disappoint all of them.

"Ms. Bae, we're here." Joohyun's thoughts were halted when their car got to the destination she had asked to go. It's the first time she had landed in South Korea after 10 years and this was the very first place that she wanted to see. The most important one. 

"Do you want to buy some cake, Ms. Bae?" The chauffeur asked. 

Joohyun did not respond. Her mind automatically reactivated all the memories she had treasured in the depths of her heart. Gazing through her window, that Son Pastry Shop made her memories came back so vividly like it's set before her eyes. 

"Joohyun! This is where I was born so this is where I will die!" A girl with fair skin and short length hair said so confidently with a cheeky smile on her face. 

"This isn't really where you're born exactly, is it Seungwan? A pastry shop, really?" Joohyun teased and dismissed her friend's dramatic lines. 

"Aish! You never play along with me." Seungwan pouted and turned her back only to get a chuckle and a pinch on her cheek from behind.

"What's up with the silly line, anyway? Have you listened to a new song again or a movie maybe?" She said while she untangled Seungwan's crossed arms and turn her to look at her. 

"Didn't you hear what the humanities teacher said earlier in class before he left? He wants us to write an essay about what we wanted to be in the future." 

"And you don't know what it is so you acted like that just now."

Seungwan twitched, she got read again by Joohyun. What's new? 

"O-of course not! It's the truth! I'll stay rooted here. I'm not sure what the future holds for us but if you want to look for me, then just come here, okay?" 

Joohyun scoffed at her remarks. There goes Seungwan again with her giant words to aid from being caught wide open. She just shrugged it off, again.

"Fine, fine. I'll just ignore the fact that you wear your heart on your sleeves all the time." 

"I'm telling the truth, though!" 

"So you want to become a baker?" Joohyun played along. 

"Mmm... not really."

Joohyun raised an eyebrow. "You're just gonna pig out here then?" 

"What?!" 

Joohyun laughed at the big reaction she's getting. Seungwan really is easy to tease. 

"You didn't answer me though." She pouted. 

"Hmm?" 

"I said.. look for me here whenever you want to see me." She brightfully grinned that Irene thought it was the silliest but the cutest smile she had seen in her life yet. 

"It's not like we're going to get separated in the future seeing you stuck with me all the time." Joohyun laughed it off but when she saw Seungwan's face turned serious, she faked coughing and agreed to it. 

"Okay. I'll look for you here, but if you aren't here when I look for you then I'm really going to knock you out!"  

Seungwan immediately regained her bright self and smiled excitedly at Joohyun's response. Looking at it, it never failed to make her heart flutter. 

"Ms. Bae?" The chauffeur inquired when Joohyun hurriedly opened her door and get out of the car. 

"I'm just gonna greet someone in that shop. Wait for me here, it won't be long." 

"I'll accompany you then, Ms." He tried to stop her.

"No. Just stay here. I'll be okay." 

The chauffeur was hesitant to let go of her master because he was afraid to risk her safety. She's very popular after all and was afraid that she'll get mobbed by her fans. But before he was able to try and stop her again, Joohyun was already out of her seat. 

Joohyun was hopeful to see her again after 10 years and now that she's back there's nothing that could stop her now, right? She had been longing for Seungwan so much that all she could ever think of in that 10 years was only her when she's not working. Her mind was always occupied with only thoughts of her. 

She didn't notice how her feet was speeding up towards the shop, but then another memory came in that made her tracks slow down and finally stopped. 

"I like you Joohyun." 

Joohyun was totally astounded. She had been meaning to confess to Seungwan since they were in highschool but she's so afraid that she'll lose her friendship with her that she ended up backing away. But now that she's soon to leave the country for her dream, she has found the courage to do it finally today. She was so sure that Seungwan would reject her though, that's why she ready herself with it. Her, leaving next week was a great opportunity for her to escape from Seungwan after rejection too. Everything was well planned, all she has to do was to confess and get over this one-sided love so she could fully focus on her dream. That's what she had ironed out in her head.

But she's speechless how this day turned to be out of her plan. Her heart was beating so fast and her brain couldn't function normally when Seungwan confessed. She feels the same as her! But... what should she do?! She has to leave next week and doesn't know when to come back too. 

"Y-you.. you like me?" 

"Uhm.. yeah.. I know it's crazy, right? I didn't mean to fall for you... it just happened." Seungwan was facing the ground while confessing, afraid and shy in front of Joohyun. 

"I'm sorry, Seungwan." No. This isn't what she really wanted to say but it just went out from her. Probably because she already had set her mind on her dream, to go away and focus on her career. She didn't expect Seungwan to reciprocate her feelings for her, so she was sticking only to what she knew and had planned out from the start.

"I knew you'd say that." Seungwan said with a dejected look. 

Wait, no! Seungwan, this isn't how it should be. I like you too, a lot! Those were what Joohyun was thinking about but couldn't say out loud. She hated it, not being able to say anything. Why? Why can't she stop Seungwan from falling apart in front of her with her true feelings? Why can't she bring herself to tell her that she likes her for a long time now too? 

"I'm sorry, too. I know I shouldn't confess now that you're going away, but just so you know I did not confess to stop you or make you feel guilty for turning me down. I just thought that I want to let this feeling out because I don't know when I'll ever have the chance to in the future." Seungwan was trying her hardest not to cry but her tears were already overflowing. The tears were non stop no matter how many times she wiped it out.

This view of Seungwan in front of her hurts Joohyun so much that she felt like she's dying inside. But despite it, she stayed immobile for not knowing what exactly is the right thing to do. She wanted Seungwan but it fears her that all the plans and goals she had set her mind for her dream will all crumble down to nothing. She knew that if she chose Seungwan, she won't be able to leave even if her flight was set next week. 

"Why are you looking at me like that? Don't get hurt just because you turned me down. Aish.. that makes me look pitiful." Seungwan tried her best to smile and joke around but the tears just won't stop. 

"Seungwan." 

"Let's try to be friends though. Even if you're already in the U.S., don't forget to contact me, alright? Just forget about this confession of mine and treat it like those silly words I've been blurting out like the usual... but I'll also understand if you no longer want to connect with me either. I really do." 

Seungwan forced yet another smile to lighten up the mood between them. "Yah, Joohyun you still there?" 

"Seungwan, I'm really sorry." 

"Don't feel guilty about it. I just need to let it out, really. At least, I can fully move on now. Now that you wasted your chance with me." Seungwan laughed half hearted. She didn't want Joohyun to feel bad about her rejection.

Joohyun just played along, it's better this way for now. So they hugged and bid farewell, Seungwan wishing her to take care always.

Joohyun thought that she could think about the situation later, she still have time before her flight next week, right? But then she didn't expect, that it'll become their last conversation for the whole span of 10 years.

How did it went like that? Seungwan never left her mind but she couldn't bring to call or message her even if she wanted to. She thought that it'll be selfish and cruel of her if she contact her again knowing that it was her fault why they've become distant like this. The devastating look that Seungwan was sporting back then when she got rejected was haunting Joohyun even in her sleep and she cried after waking up to it. 

In that whole 10 years she was away from Seungwan, she was living in full regret and fear. She regretted that she didn't chose her when she finally realized that all her heart ever wanted was to love and to be loved by her. She fears that, Seungwan might have moved on now when she's stuck in the same love she has for her up until now. Moving on? Joohyun didn't know how to and she didn't know if she'll ever learn to.

"Is everything okay, Miss?" A voice called her out from her back. She noticed now that she had stopped exactly by the door of the pastry shop and completely hinders possible customers.

"Oh. I'm sorry." Joohyun moved slightly to the side but remained facing the ground in order to stay low key. 

"Wait.. is that you, Joohyun unnie?!" 

Joohyun flinched. She got discovered, did she? But wait, her voice sounded so familar so she looked at her face. 

"Yeri!" She excitedly claimed and both of them were jumping happily. It has been 10 years since they have seen each other anyway. 

"I knew it! Since when did the famous Bae Joohyun came back?!" Yeri asked when they were already seated inside the Son's shop. They talked in one of the private area of the place but still has great view of the outside. The shop's cozy interiors and the smell of the cakes and coffee that she grew accustomed before made Joohyun finally felt at home. 

"What are you talking about. It's just me. And.. I only got back today." She smiled at her which gained a teasing one from the other.

"Oh-ho! Excited to see Seungwan unnie?" 

Joohyun's heart skipped a beat. Is she allowed to say what's really inside her heart with Seungwan's little sister, Yeri? Is it okay to ask her about Seungwan too? But.. is she ready to find out details about her? What if... just what if... Seungwan already has someon--

"Why didn't you contact her though." Yeri said that stabbed Joohyun painfully straight to her heart.

She really wanted to contact her, God knows how much she wanted to. She thought, she'll only talk to Seungwan if ever she wanted to reconnect with her so she waited days, weeks, months and several years... but there was no signs of Seungwan. It only meant one thing to her, Seungwan didn't want her back in her life anymore. Why would she anyway? Just because she said they should remain friends after the rejection doesn't mean it was what she really felt. She broke her heart into a million pieces.

"It's okay. Past is past. I think both of you have moved on anyways." Yeri continued after Joohyun's long silence. "You with your career and I bet you've dated bunch of celebrities! So.. who did you date? Uh.. Did you happen to meet to Harry Styles or even Zayn Malik? OMG! Those two are blazing H.O.T!" 

Joohyun only looked at her amused. She get it that those two were immensely popular but they were both singers and she was too focused with acting to even look at them. Has she dated in that span of 10 years? Yeri might have seen so many rumors circulating her love life in the news, but no, she didn't date. There were many people including celebrities who tried to break in to her heart but Seungwan's occupying it fully that there's just no space for anyone else at all. 

"I don't date there. I already have someone." Joohyun claimed but was it okay to say such a thing? Who was she claiming? Seungwan? She must have been kidding!

"That's a scoop! Who on earth would that be?! That person is in Korea?! Wow, daebak!" Yeri displayed her amazed looks and clapped slowly upon hearing Joohyun's honest reply.

"No. You don't have to answer unnie." Yeri stopped her with a hand even though Joohyun was nowhere near saying anything at all. "I'm just glad that you'll be able to meet that person again. I'm glad both of you and Seungwan unnie are now happy with your respective love life."

Joohyun's chest tightened. Seungwan has someone?

Tears were already edging her eyes but she was trying to hold back. This is the thing that she feared so much that her heart couldn't take at all. She's so stupid to hold on to her for that long years without communication, who on earth would think that Seungwan would still feel the same? It was her fault in the first place... that she's hurting this much now. 

"Seungwan unnie's totally in love. I could say what they have is really true love. I admire Seungwan and her lover, they've been so strong through it all."

Why is she even listening to Yeri? Why isn't she leaving yet? Does she really want to torture herself?

"Talk about Seungwan more, and her lover" Joohyun requested with a painful smile that Yeri started to worry. 

"Unnie, are you alright?" She held her hand.

The tears already fell from Joohyun's eyes, but she was still forcing a smile. This must have been what Seungwan had felt when she tried to act that everything was okay in front of her. This must have been her karma with all the pain she had inflicted to her even if she didn't really wanted to. 

"Yeri. Talk more about Seungwan." Joohyun managed to say before she completely broken down. She covered her face with both of her hands, she wanted the tears to stop, but she had held it in for so long that she couldn't control now that it pours.

"Why are you making a customer cry, Yeri?" 

The voice that Joohyun haven't heard in a long time made her stop crying. No, it felt like everything else stopped. Even if she didn't turn around, she knew very well the owner of that voice because it's the same voice that spoke to her the sweetest and the kindest words. The voice that made her knees weak, the voice that filled her stomach with butterflies, the voice that she missed so much, it's the voice that belongs to the one that she truly love. Seungwan. 

a/n: 

I will cut this story into two parts. I'll see you on the next update. :)