One Thing Right
Chapter 8
"The Promise"
Joy was talking nonstop since Seulgi invited her inside the unit. Joy swiftly entered before Irene could even react and so they did not have a choice but to listen to her blabbing. Who would have expected that there is someone as talkative as Joy in the first meeting?
Sure, Irene had met Joy before but it was more like a short idol-fan encounter with all the greetings and signing but it’s not enough background for someone to speak to them spontaneously. Irene and Seulgi can’t help but exchange looks and wonder what is this girl’s motive other than giving them the cakes.
“Uhm… Are you sure Wendy baked these cupcakes for us?” Seulgi finally interrupted. She honestly can’t relate to the topic that Joy’s talking about so might as well ask something that’s been boggling her mind the past days.
“Of course! Why would I lie about that?” Joy said still wearing a smile on her face.
“But…Wendy’s outright avoiding me.”
“Avoiding you? How?”
“I tried to reconnect with her via calls and messages but none of them were answered. I approached her several times in person too but she always ran away whenever she spots me nearing her.” Seulgi said dejectedly.
Irene noticed how Wendy’s sudden change of behavior towards them really affected Seulgi. Not that she really cared about Wendy avoiding her, after all the way she has treated her the past week they got to meet, but why does she need to involve Seulgi in their feud? She is innocent.
“Seulgi unnie, Wendy unnie’s the type of person that doesn’t use her phone regularly. Even me as her cousin, I don’t get response to my calls and messages. I have to always fly all the way from Jeju-do to here and slam her door open just to catch up with her.” Joy said as a matter-of-fact and it somehow made Seulgi relieved, but doubt remains.
“It’s okay though, if she doesn’t want to befriend me anymore. I feel like I’m at fault for pressing on a favor to her even when we just got acquainted recently. But still, I want to thank her and say sorry in person even for the last time.”
Joy understood now why Wendy decided to do the favor, it’s because she could tell that Seulgi’s really a good person.
“Why would she not want to befriend someone adorable as you?”
Irene then snap a judging look at Joy. That escalated differently from their original subject.
“Ah… are you hitting on me?” Seulgi’s smile slowly reappearing to her face and Irene’s relieved witnessing that.
“I’d love to but I’m already taken. Sorry, unnie.” Joy played along.
“Aw. Now that really hurts.”
Then the shared a laughter. Watching the two of them, it felt like another friendship is yet to bloom. Irene’s happy whenever her friend Seulgi is happy. Irene somehow wanted to thank Joy for that but she isn’t the type of person to outright say that she's grateful for her.
“Here’s another cupcake for you.” Irene offered to Joy.
“Eh? But I already ate one when it’s really for you guys.”
“Just to make sure there’s no poison in it.”
Joy was confused and Irene still wears her straight face but her intention was unmatched. Seulgi’s laughter became louder because she could read everything in front of her so clearly.
“Joy, if I were you I’ll just take it.” Seulgi finally commented.
“Okay. Thanks unnie.”
They continue munching the cakes and everyone is enjoying it.
“Tell Wendy, thanks for the cupcakes, they are really delicious!”
“Why don’t you tell that herself, Seulgi unnie?”
“Can I really?”
“Yeah. Like I said, just slam her door open.”
“That’s really weird, you know.”
“Honestly, I don’t really get it why you haven’t done that yet. I mean, if you really don’t want your young friendship to end with her then do something about it. That unnie’s not going to approach you even if you wish for it. That’s just her personality; she’d rather isolate herself away from everyone if they gave up on her.”
The mood abruptly changed and Irene noticed it too. If she’ll think about it, there really is something mysterious about Wendy that she can’t erase from her mind. She wanted to ask further but she’s also scared.
“Is Wendy okay?”
Joy realized she went too far in talking when she heard Seulgi.
“She’s fine.”
“I should call her, right?”
“I’ve said it and you experienced it already, she isn’t picking up calls. Unless you're one of her parents.”
“Of course. Family should be respected after all.”
“Respect is earned not gained. That should be applied even in the family.”
These continues remarks from Joy really are concerning.
“Hey, is there a problem?” Seulgi consoled her.
“What are you saying? I’m just stating facts, unnie!” Joy laughed it off as if there’s no bearing to her words which made the two exchange looks again. “Anyways, why do you think Wendy’s avoiding you two?” Joy changed the topic right away.
“Huh? Uhm.. well.. Like I said, I’ve asked her to do a favor.” Seulgi doesn’t have the heart to say it straight but she knows Irene’s actions were huge factors in contributing to it especially when she learned about that night when Irene got drunk and ended up in a heated argument with Wendy.
“You’re treating her low for a friend if that’s what you think.” Joy said. “There must be something else.” She’s yet again feigning ignorance.
Seulgi and Irene were wondering if Joy really don’t know the details but they’ve decided not to speak a word about it anymore.
“Uhm.. yeah. We can’t think of anything else, right unnie?” She then turned her head to the latter earning a nod.
“I see. I just thought that if by chance you made her angry then I’d say it’s only proper to apologize and by then she’ll be fine. She’s really that kind you know, no matter how awful people had done to her, just an apology always makes her feel alright.”
Irene realized how Joy wanted to direct that to her in a peaceful manner and this just solves their question as to what’s this girl’s main purpose for being here. Of course, she has to know something. Joy’s been living with Wendy lately and their both cousins too, there must be no secrets between them. But despite Joy not having mean intentions, Irene can’t help but to return her walls back to its place, an initial reaction to protect herself. She can’t help but get disappointed in Wendy too, for telling about her, despite knowing that Joy adores her. Now after knowing the truth, Irene can’t help but think how Joy’s seeing her now.
“Up to what extent do you know about us? What did Wendy told you?” Seulgi immediately asked, halting Irene from exploding with her mixed up emotions. She knows that it's still too dangerous for Irene to comment on this without resolving her emotions first. Irene would surely spit out hurtful words.
“Just the favor you asked to Wendy unnie and that she got into a heated argument with Irene unnie.” Joy said truthfully.
“Can you elaborate?” Seulgi has to make sure.
“Eh? Uhm… That you have to live away for a week due to mandatory company outing but you can’t leave Irene because she’s not feeling well so you asked Wendy unnie a favor. As for the argument, I don’t really know the context. Wendy unnie just told me you two don’t get along well due to that argument.”
“Oh.” Seulgi replied and she immediately looked at Irene who somehow can’t believe Joy’s revelation. They both felt relieved and honestly, Seulgi can’t help but get satisfied because indeed she picked a right person to be her friend in this neighborhood.
“What’s with your reaction? Is there something else I don’t know that’s important?!” Joy is frustrated; she really hates being left out in a conversation. She tried to make Seulgi spill but the latter was just laughing and denying that there was something more.
Irene on the other hand was zoning out. She felt bad for judging Wendy too quickly. Perhaps it's about time to go and apologize to her.
---
“Where were you?” Wendy greeted Joy by the door.
“I told you I went out to meet some friends and gave the cupcakes you baked.” Joy then examined her cousin from head to toe. “What’s with the shades? And why dressed up? Going somewhere?”
“Oh. I am meeting a client. I left some money on top of the fridge. Go get us some food and cook too, I won’t be back till later tonight.”
“On a Saturday? And I thought you’re taking a break from working? When have you decided to resume?” Joy throw multiple questions as she found it weird. Wendy is hiding something from her, she is sure of it.
“I really have to go now, Joy. My client’s waiting.” Wendy did not bother to respond on Joy’s inquiries before she dashed out.
---
"Mom, you called?" She called back her mother after discovering her missed call after 3 hours. Wendy was busy baking and tidying up the kitchen after.
"Have you decided about taking over our business there in Seoul?" It always has been like this. No greetings nor inquiries how she has been.
"Not that again, mom. I told you already, I don't want to do it."
"And what are you going to do with your life now? You don't want to practice what you studied and you don't even want to take over the business, don't you have a dream for yourself?"
It's the same topic all over again that never fails to bring pain to Wendy's being.
"I just want to find my happiness mom."
"It's that thing you called happiness is what's wrecking your life. You'll be happy when you're all successful Wendy, but you're throwing all the opportunities that were given to you."
But was it really the happiness she's looking for?
Is success meant only for money and power?
"You don't understand mom."
"You need to grow up now, Wendy or you'll be left out. Stop walking away from your responsibilities."
Then there was silence. Wendy doesn't know how to respond to that at all. Why are they treating her as if she's really walking away from responsibilities when she just wanted a time for herself? It's her first time to seek some rest because everything's getting too much on her. The pressure and stress she's feeling lately were already eating her alive to even function as a person but they just don't understand.
Does she really have to conform to what everyone's doing and achieving in order to be called responsible and successful? Is it the sole standard in living a life?
"We're tired making up excuses to our relatives where you've been while your sister and cousins are living their dreams."
"Then don't make up excuses for me. I never asked you to do that, they can do whatever the hell they want with their lives and I'll do the same with my life!" Wendy finally snapped. She really can't take it anymore. Her heart is bleeding and she can only take away so little from this enormous pain by crying. She has never been so desperate to end it all quickly until now that she's triggered yet again by her mom.
The society is already too much for her and she has no safe place where she could peacefully rest nor recharge from. Family was the same as everybody else for Wendy, they are all too much for her.
"Do you hear yourself speak? You don't even have plans for yourself. How can we just let you be when you are our daughter?"
"Am I really your daughter? Because I don't feel like it. All I ever was to you was a doll that you wanted to dress up and control so you can brag about others! Don't you care about how I feel anymore?"
"How dare you talk to your mother like that! You don't have anything to prove us to yet and you're so full of yourself! Do you really think you could go far like that? You still need us Wendy and that's what we'll continue to do so as your parents!"
"Stop controlling me! Stop making me feel like I don't have a choice nor time left to achieve whatever I wanted in my life. Please, mom, for once listen to me." She pleaded once again and Wendy felt like the pain from her chest escalated to her head. The pain was like as if someone's squeezing it.
"Go back to Canada before we even drag you out in Seoul!"
The call ended like that and so she breakdown. Wendy curled up on her bed while crying the hardest she could so she could tire out herself and finally sleep away from this cruel life.
ERIC NAM
Psychiatrist
Wendy stared at the name plate on the table for a few minutes before the doctor repeated his question.
"Wendy, you're still with me?" He softly asked.
One thing she liked about visiting her physician is their soft calming voice. It feels like they are lulling her to sleep. It's only her second visit to this hospital, and the doctor's reading and explaining his diagnosis of her. Wendy's suffering from a Persistent Depressive Disorder (Dysthymia), a continuous long-term (chronic) depression. This type of depression lasts for years and is significantly affecting someone's way of living, be it at work, relationships or even in daily activities.
Wendy was no longer surprised to be diagnosed with depression. The actual thing that really surprised her all this while is where she found the courage to actually seek help for a professional. Maybe it's one of those spur of the moment, that she felt high and well that made her do it but after she went back home she no longer wanted to continue it.
It's her mother's call that pushed her to come back as scheduled here, because right after the call and waking up from her sleep she got scared of the fact that she's ended up with so many suicidal thoughts than usual.
"I'm prescribing you these anti-depressants and urges you to undergo therapy sessions." The doctor continued.
Wendy scoffed. She thought she's jobless and yet she has to pay for her medication. It's not that she cannot afford it, she has a wealth of her own, it's just that she pity herself for becoming like this. She guessed it's the price she has to pay for conforming to what others had set for her in her life even if she doesn't want too.
"Will it work out if I take the therapy?"
"Of course! Depression could be treated, Wendy. It's not a dead end. You're stronger than you think you are, I believe you can battle it out. We will help you." Eric assured her.
"Is it necessary? The therapy?"
"Yes. Even if you have someone to talk to from where you're living, it's still different when talking to a mental health specialist. That way, we could monitor your behavior, thinking and improvements."
"Okay." Wendy then lowered her head and started playing with her fingers. She mumbles, "I don't have anyone, anyway."
The doctor continued writing his prescription acting like a real professional despite hearing her heartbreaking remarks.
"I just have one request, Eric."
The doctor has waited for this acknowledgement from her and he's relieved about it. "What is it, Wendy?"
Both Eric and Wendy knew each other way back in Canada. Although they were from a different batch in Richmond Hill High School, Eric in his senior year and Wendy's on her first year, they've crossed in the school's show choir. They have become great friends back then because they both shared a love for music and they both sing. But their connection stopped once Wendy went back to Seoul first.
"I'd like to have another physician or other professional fitted for my therapy sessions. Don't get me wrong, I trust your capabilities.. it's just that..."
"I understand. I was going to give you one even if you don't ask."
"R-really?"
"Yup. I understand that it's really hard to open up about your feelings and behavior to me since we know each other. Just you coming to me for diagnosis is enough proof that you trust me." Eric smiled reassuringly.
"But I'll still be your head physician, if you don't mind?"
"Yeah. That's fine with me. I just don't need to confess in front of you."
"Don't worry. All information will be treated confidential. Work is work."
"Glad to know."
"So who will be the one to assist you?"
"She's one of the best Psychologist here in our hospital, and I'm sure you'll feel at ease with her since she also loves singing."
"Really? What's her name then?"
"It's Rose. Dr. Rose Park."
---
"Joy?" Wendy was surpised to see her cousin standing in front of their apartment building. It's already 11pm when she arrived. Wendy went to different places just so she could avoid being still with her mind.
"Wendy!" She welcomed the girl with a warm embrace. "I was so worried about you! Where were you? Why won't you check your phone regularly? Didn't you see how many calls and messages I've sent you?"
Wendy tried to breakfree from the tight hug but she stopped when she heard Joy started sobbing.
"J-joy?! Are you crying?"
"What do you think? I thought something happened to you already!"
"I told you, I'll be late."
Joy's the closest to Wendy, and she has known the girl like the back of her hand. She could always see through Wendy's smile and strong front, she knows that behind it lies a poor struggling soul that's barely living. That's why it's so impossible not to worry about her.
"You told me... there are no secrets between us. And yet... you're lying to me."
Wendy realized how much Joy's crying immensely that she has difficulty in speaking. Joy was really worried about her and Wendy can't help but to breakdown. Why has she forgotten? She has Joy by her side all this while and she completely shut her out. Wendy was blinded by her depression that pushed away everyone including the only person that sincerely cared about her.
"I'm diagnosed with depression, Joy. I'm broken." This time it's Wendy who bursted out crying. "I'm sorry I've shut you out. I'm just so scared that you'll see me differently. You're the only one I have now.. and I'm... I'm so scared that you'll... you will..."
"Sshhh!!! Stop that nonsense and don't speak the word." Joy silenced her. "If there's one person you should not worry about leaving your side, it should be me. Even if the world starts crumbling, I'll choose to stay by your side. I will even sacrifice my boyfriend for you, because you're that much important to me, Wendy." She cried even more.
"You don't have to do that." Wendy chuckled but tears were still flowing from her eyes.
"But I can do that for you. And so what if you're diagnosed with depression? It's not going to define who you are as a person! It's not a flaw or weakness of yours, it's a mental health disease that we need to fight. So you have to hang in there no matter what!" Joy can't imagine a life without Wendy, she loves her unnie so much.
"Promise me, Wendy unnie, you'll hang in there and I promise you I'll be with you all the way."
"Thanks Joy."
"I don't need your thanks, I need you to promise me!" She whined impatiently.
"I promise."
That night was full of tears, they didn't care if they were outside where people could see. They can picture them out ugly crying but it doesn't matter, because what's more important is their feelings and appreciation towards each other. They want to express how much they are needed and wanted in their lives.
Disclaimer:
I'm not an expert when it comes to mental health concerns such as depression but I did my research before I write this update. But despite my research, experts may still find inadequate information so I am sorry about that. Please correct me if ever there's a grave mistake. Thanks in advance.
